I finally had my air conditioner fixed today, which means we are going to have a cool and comfortable summer, even when it's over 100 outside. Ahhh. I'm glad for it. No more headaches, sweat, fans, and ice packs on scorching days.
All is fairly well. I'm trying to organize everything in the house while keeping costs down (not succeeding at the moment). I have reduced some of the clutter and I actually like organizing, once I get around to doing it. Once I settle into placing things here and there, it's sort of relaxing. It's the beginning it that I find a challenge. With the help of my maid, however, I am chipping away at it. I need to do a lot of work on the house, from painting, to filling in holes in the walls, and even maybe at some point changing the carpet upstairs. My house started off as a tear down but I've discovered over four years of living here that there was plenty room for more tearing down. Just at this moment, in fact, I hear crashing and banging in the kitchen area.
I know I used to post here a long time ago, relentlessly upset about so many factors in daily life. It was a struggle back then but it is not so much that way any longer. This place we live in is extraordinarily peaceful. It has a way of healing us and calming us every day. Over a long period (4 years), it really has had a profound affect on us. I can't be grateful enough for that. I guess the truth is that I'm not built for the ghetto... or something like that. I'm a high maintenance plant that only thrives under specific conditions. I'm not so sure I like that about myself but I'm able to admit it.
I'm taking a Stanford writing class at the moment while I wait for my dissertation topic to be approved and accepted by one particular teacher that I would like to serve as my committee chair. G. is thriving. We pretty much live with the fact that he has ADHD and I'm always suspecting something like Asperger's, though I'll likely never concede to it. He's happy, I think, and things are moving along on multiple levels from his education to home life to sports participation and friends. He's not a typical kid but he's wonderful in so many ways and I think he'll do just fine in life.
I'm still not in a romantic relationship. It's been years and I'm clearly reluctant or adverse to it. I know I value relationships and I yearn for the idea of love but I've got some serious issues to work through, obviously. I have decided that writing will be my pathway to rediscovery of love - a healthy, happy, wholesome love that is beneficial and meaningful. It's satisfying for me to allow myself that space and time until it develops properly, including the means by which I'm exploring it. I think I'm a lot more balanced than I was in the past, a lot more compassionate toward people, and in general much higher functioning than I was than 4+ years ago and beyond. I've grown a lot. I'm still a drama queen on occasion but ... only on occasion.
I can't believe I'm still writing in livejournal!