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My Delirious Mind
A Raging Inferno of Delight, Perplexity, Love and Torment!
9th-Nov-2008 10:54 pm
I should update what's going on with me, in general. I am currently on leave of absence from school until January, which has been a nice rest for me so far. It serves as an opportunity for me to devote myself to helping G. academically in school and with his various activities while I recharge my inspiration and motivation to continue working toward my long term goals. I have reframed my doctoral studies in psychology toward the study of dreams. I record my dreams nightly, more or less, based on the quality of my dream recall. I spend the majority of my time and effort trying to keep my daily activities organized and manage my mind and responsibilities as well as spending quality time with G. Life seems to be a continual, practical balancing act but I'm always observing the creative art of it. I see my psychologist once per week. I read. I write short stories (or parts of them). I am writing for NaNoWriMo but I'm way behind in word count. I'm in the process of peer reviewing a scholarly journal article. I'm attending a regular seminar on phenomenology taught by Amadeo Giorgi. I am planning to be a teacher's assistant (T.A.) next quarter in the advanced topics in research: phenomenology class. I find my work in phenomenology and dreams exciting and invigorating. My cat, Snowflakes, is sitting behind me now on my pillow and sounds like he's going to barf on my head. That is not quite as invigorating.

I need to work harder on drinking more water and eating healthy. I need to get rid of the extra clutter in my house - act on it rather than just wishing it could get done at some future point in time. I need to lose weight. I'm going through a grieving process over a friend that was suddenly, violently killed this last Friday night. There are others who were closer to him. Those were the people who spent their days with him. As for me, when am I ever very social? I met him in 2006 and have enjoyed his presence and his personality, nonetheless. I thought about him frequently and looked forward to watching him progress and bloom on a personal level in this world. Honestly, he took me by surprise. I'm grappling with my weird personal way of grieving, especially under the circumstances, and trying to accept whatever form it comes to me.

I'm getting along with my family, particularly my dad. I would like to be financially self-reliant but that's not realistic, yet. My years up in the SF Bay Area have changed things in a positive way. I make my way through this point in my life with very few quarrels, if any, and mostly a sense of peace and goodwill that is shared with everyone I know. I am at the point where the relationship work I am experiencing with people is happening on a more subtle level, where consideration, etiquette, empathy, giving and receiving, humor, and play are all being fine tuned.
9th-Mar-2009 06:25 am (UTC) - brrr hrrrp
How is it not realistic to be financially reliant when you are almost 40?
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